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Will I Ever Be Free of You?: How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family, by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
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Author of the bestseller Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Dr. Karyl McBride draws on her expertise in treating children and partners damaged by narcissists in this practical new guide to divorce and its aftermath.
With more than three decades of experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. McBride guides you through the emotional fallout and challenges of being married to and divorcing a narcissist. The court system assumes that both parties in most high-conflict divorces are at fault, but a narcissist can wreak havoc in the divorce process. Dr. McBride shows how to navigate this kind of divorce and how you and your children can heal afterward.
Written for those considering or already going through divorce, as well as the professionals working with them, Will I Ever Be Free of You? has three parts: Recognizing the Problem, Breaking Free, and Healing from the Debilitating Impact of Narcissistic Relationships. You begin by learning exactly what narcissism is, how to identify it, and how it affects relationships, then how to begin and carry on through a divorce and make the best decisions for you and your children. Dr. McBride lays out a roadmap of trauma recovery for the whole family, offering a step-by-step program for recognizing and healing from the particular emotional damage that narcissism causes.
This guide offers new therapeutic strategies and practical guidance for protecting yourself and your children through this difficult time.
- Sales Rank: #278247 in Books
- Published on: 2015-02-10
- Released on: 2015-02-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 1.00" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 256 pages
- This guide offers new therapeutic strategies and practical guidance for protecting yourself and your children through this difficult time.
- Draws on author expertise in treating children and partners damaged by narcissists in this practical new guide to divorce and its aftermath.
- Written for those considering or already going through divorce, as well as the professionals working with them
- ou begin by learning exactly what narcissism is, how to identify it, and how it affects relationships
- then how to begin and carry on through a divorce and make the best decisions for you and your children.
Review
"An important, groundbreaking book. Dr. McBride opens our eyes to these toxic individuals who damage their spouses, children, and inevitably the legal system. This innovative program will help families chart a course and create health and healing through the divorce process." (Renee Richker, MD, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)
"Dr. McBride has put together a terrific, step-by-step guide for dealing with divorce from a narcissistic spouse. There is a huge need out there for this information, and Dr. McBride's long-term experience in therapeutic and legal settings makes her the perfect person to put it out there. I know I will be personally recommending this book for years to come." (W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., co-author of THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC)
“As a family law attorney, I would give this book to certain clients with a highlighter and sticky notes. Enough said.” (S. Scott Lasher, Esq.)
"Karyl McBride's Will I Ever Be Free of You? is a smart, practical guide to a perplexing problem - severing your tie to a highly narcissistic partner. Full of good advice and moving examples, it is as readable as it is s sensible and helpful." (Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage)
"Compact but thorough guide to successfully handling and surviving a divorce—if you’re married to a narcissist... Packed with useful advice... Proactive, goal-oriented, sound advice on how to heal, and how to move forward.... The author isn’t satisfied with helping the thousands of men and women whose lives have been damaged by narcissists and are involved in high-conflict divorces. She wants to help the children, too." (PsychCentral.com, Therapy Soup)
About the Author
Karyl McBride, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than thirty years of experience in public and private practice, specializing in treatment of trauma. She is a leading authority on narcissism and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. She is a contributing blogger for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and her recent book was featured in the New York Times book club. Dr. McBride can also be found online at WillIEverBeGoodEnough.com, KarylMcBridePhD.com, and Facebook.com/DrKarylMcBride.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Will I Ever Be Free of You? INTRODUCTION
For the past twelve years a yellow sticky note has somehow clung to my refrigerator. It says, “Go After Your Purpose and God Will Give You Your Dream.” I stuck that quote on the fridge when I was writing my first book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. It’s dog-eared and faded, but it still greets me as I begin each day.
The purpose that has driven me throughout my career is the hope that I can help people make sense of the many complications in their lives created by dysfunctional families and guide them in healing from the legacy of distorted love that results. In my thirty-plus years as a therapist, I have seen that narcissism, a personality disorder that goes beyond mere selfishness and vanity, is a prevalent cause of family problems. Narcissists are grandiose in their need for praise and attention. While they often overestimate their own abilities, they diminish the people around them, particularly the ones they claim to love. Being in an intimate relationship with a narcissist can be exhilarating and all-consuming, but often, in the end, the narcissist consumes you, your hopes and dreams, your peace of mind, and your money.
From the clinician’s chair, I have heard the pain and seen the tears of narcissists’ victims, including adult children, young children, partners and spouses, abused children, and victims of crime. This work has also led me to specialty areas, such as forensic interviewing and expert-witness testimony, and much interaction with the court system, attorneys, judges, law enforcement, and social services, on which I draw to help you in this book.
Many people wrote to me after my first book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, was published to share their personal stories of life with a narcissistic mother. I was honored to receive so much correspondence from around the world and touched that readers reached out to me. In addition to their relationships with their mothers, however, my readers also wanted to talk about their romantic relationships. In reading the first book, they had learned that their mothers’ narcissism had distorted their expectations of love so much that their relationships were now with other narcissists. Their letters described them as trapped in conflicts with narcissistic partners, enduring unending arguments and manipulations, saddled with enormous legal bills and never coming to a resolution. Almost every letter held a tone of despair. Why did they keep falling into partnerships with narcissists? Their questions led me to conduct more research and clinical work, and to write this second book.
As you read on, please know in my heart I wish I were sitting with you on this journey to understanding your life. It is difficult to find yourself in such turmoil and pain, and difficult to comprehend how a relationship that probably started with such a powerful attraction could devolve so completely. Love is the greatest gift we give to each other, but narcissists do not have the capacity to love. They’re charmers, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but their limited ability to empathize or sympathize with other people’s feelings causes confusion and pain to their partners. It is also devastating to the children they bring into the world.
If you are a child of a narcissistic parent or have fallen into the deep pit of a relationship with a narcissist, then you have probably been prevented from developing a whole and healthy life. I believe that you can free yourself from the pain that narcissists have caused you, learn more about yourself, and heal yourself and help your children heal, too. I hope this book brings you important information that will make a difference for you and your loved ones.
Will I Ever Be Free of You? is divided into three parts: “Recognizing the Problem,” “Breaking Free,” and “Healing from the Debilitating Impact of Narcissistic Relationships.” First the book shows you how to recognize the problems that a narcissistic partner causes you and your children. Then it helps you to understand the confusing dynamics of being involved with a narcissist, to weigh and balance whether you should stay in the relationship or leave, and when to make the right life choices for yourself and your children. And finally it provides you with a road map for recovery. As a divorce will likely involve the judicial system, the book also addresses issues you’ll come up against and how to deal with them in the current system. I also present my ideas about needed court reforms.
In this practical guide you will learn how to weigh what is best for you and your children as you deal with a narcissistic partner. Don’t try to navigate a divorce on your own. Educate and prepare yourself to understand how narcissists react to disagreement, separation, divorce, and child custody. While I will tell you about some of the bad things that have happened to other people who have been through narcissistic relationships, I’ll also tell you the positive side of getting free and about the healthy, healing experiences you can then have. If you recognize yourself or your partner or spouse in these stories you read, I hope you will have the courage to continue and begin your recovery.
Ultimately, the message of this book is one of hope. If you have ever looked at your partner and thought in despair, Will I ever be free of you?, the answer is yes, you can be free. This book offers tools to protect and nurture you and your children. Once you understand what turned your life upside down and inside out, you can break free and rediscover your authentic self. You can free yourself and your children from the legacy of distorted love. Let’s get started.
Most helpful customer reviews
33 of 35 people found the following review helpful.
Good book. But I'm not convinced that a narcissist ...
By LH
Good book. But I'm not convinced that a narcissist PD parent even under the pilot program can be prevented from harming the children emotionally as long as they have access to them alone. Since when does a narcissist/antisocial respond to or cooperate with therapy? Such personality disorders are practically incurable. It's about time that the mental health professionals stand up and acknowledge that the narcissists emotional abuse of his children is as damaging as physical abuse and that documented physical abuse of the other parent is a basis for concluding that the abusive spouse will likely also abuse of the children in an effort to control the other parent. As noted in the book, it's all about control and winning for these sick individuals and the kids are just pawns in a game. Children are emotionally defenseless, and the system presently ensures that even a good healthy parent with resources cannot protect them from this emotional abuse. The fact is that the system presently leaves the children to handle this themselves...when they have grown up and are already damaged. The healthy parent has probably been completely alienated from the children by that time. So In the interest of preserving the narcissist parent's access to the children alone, the children end up damaged and disconnected from their healthy parent, the only one that could have helped them. If the goal is to protect children with a narcissist PD parent, on-going supervised visitation needs to be central to the pilot program and the law behind the pilot program. The expense of supervision should be borne by the narcissistic parent.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Get it NOW!
By Kasy
This book is next in line to my bible! The writer puts it out there in language everyone can understand. It is written with the average lay person in mind. When you are caught off guard, this book will help you to make sense of it all. First part describing the narcissist is right on. The second part is all about now how do you protect yourself and your family? Absolutely perfect instructions and directions to help navigate through the maze of courts, lawyers and counselors. It really opened my eyes to the legal system. I realized the saddest thing. You are not innocent until proven guilty. If someone lies against you, you are guilty until you prove yourself innocent! This book will help you do just that. Knowledge is power. This book will empower you to help yourself and make good decisions.
56 of 61 people found the following review helpful.
That's my life!
By LawMan
aSeveral times while reading "Will I Ever Be Free of You?" I had that thought, and not only in response to the emotional and true-to-life stories of victims of narcissistic relationships, but also in response to Dr. McBride's clear and insightful descriptions of narcissistic behavior and it's effects on the non-narcissistic parent. I felt that Dr. McBride knew all of my innermost pain, my feelings of weakness and self-loathing, my fear of triggering a narcissist's rage, my efforts to bury my thoughts, feelings and concerns as deeply as possible and to erase myself in order to avoid starting another fire and to protect the children by keeping the peace for as long as I could. It's soul-crushing to feel like that, and it never works for very long. Sometimes, in a moment of weakness, I make a misstep and speak up. Sometimes an innocent comment is inexplicably perceived as criticism. No matter what, eventually the narcissistic rage comes back and my young children bear the pain of witnessing those terrible outbursts (and if I'm too weak to avoid it, those horribly cruel fights). This book helped me understand for the first time that erasing myself isn't helping the kids and is destroying me...and that I have to take responsibility for finding and following a more constructive path.
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